I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
