Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
