You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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