so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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