you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
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almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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