Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
