I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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