i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
