jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
