A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize