Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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