No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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