Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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