i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.