if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT