I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
