So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
