Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
