I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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