Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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