I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
