Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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