im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
