you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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