He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
