I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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