I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
