he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
