Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
