i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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