you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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