i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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