i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
