I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
