all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
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This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
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