hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
