when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
