Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
