Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
