my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
