Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
