Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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