The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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