if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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