i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
