I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
