her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
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