Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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