Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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