he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
