I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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