can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
