She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
