i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
