im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
