The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
