When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize