I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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