Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
