I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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