I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How does it feel to date your dad?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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