Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Drunk is not a location!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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