You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
