i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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