A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
