I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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