He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
