The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
