I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
